A long due post. And January is reassuring (:

This is officially week 5 into the new term. I am feeling relaxed, and more in charge this term. Experience does make the difference. So much have taken place over the past couple of weeks and I am happy and contended to be where I am today, crediting God for all the things He pushed me through.

And my students have come a long way as well, especially my students in my Form class. This is my second year with these children, and they had been really patient with me. I came in trying to be their boss, telling them that they shoould be doctors and scientists, when they actually want no such things. I belittled them and I imposed myself on them, dictating their actions and their speech.

I used to come into class bitter every day. They were irritated even though they tried their best to be compliant. They accomplished the impossible. From zeros, to a whooping 96% passing rate in English. I am really grateful of these kids of mine because their success gave me a little bit more courage, and they inspired me.

This year as I stepped into class, I sensed the difference. The difference comes from their affirmation and their confidence in me. The kind of feeling I suspect mothers get from the kids: they know that you cared and you love them amidst all the scolding and disciplining. That particular moment was extremely moving for me.

And then, they started to rebel again. Ah well, no one said anything about a mother being an easy responsibilty. But I finally feel appreciated, and that what I am doing is actually fruitful and meaningful.

There are more challenges this year:

• I am handling two exam classes this year
• I am the head of the English Panel (even though I did not contribute much)
• Facing a whole different set of students in Form 4
• Confronting more emotional struggles in terms of my relationship with myself
• Different family problems among the students
• My community project
• Trying to make an impact before leaving
• Learning from the mistakes I made last year

It is going to be a great year if I let God into more of my decisions and if I try to listen to Him.

Anything and everything is possible, and that, knowing that so much could be done, makes it so much more stressful.

On a lighter note, watch this space because soon, very soon, I am going to show off our new classroom and its beautiful new coat of paint (it's the brilliant smurf-blue! gosh!) and classroom decor.

This piture was taken in the third week in January. I was holding one Physical Education class at that time. (I know, right? PE? Me?!)

So, it is a good thing I am no longer teaching PE (thank goodness) because instead of getting my girls to exercise, I let them do things like this (see below).

The lovely girls in Form 2 were so excited and told me that they must show me this.

I am feeling contended in many ways.

Another week has gone by, praise the Lord!

I feel especially encouraged and motivated this week because of the amazing things our 2013 cohort fellows has been doing (: Their posts on Facebook are always so honest and real, and the things they did in their schools, and also their small successes and the impact they are already making in their schools, are all amazing things ! I really look forward to read about them every day.

Knowing that I am only going to teach both of my Form 4 classes for a short period of time was a suprising and disappointing news. I have already fallen for students from both classes and it is difficult to take that away. It is not because they are incredibly lovely in class. It is actually the opposite. There are so many unresolved issues that I wish I could resolve in these classes before I leave. And also names that I have yet to memorize to match those lovely faces.

One particular class this year is very difficult. We started off the wrong foot and our relationship spiralled down over the weeks. I am proud of myself because I have never doubted my students' potential to achieve more than they are achieving now academic-wise but I wish I could say the same about my faith towards the progress of their behaviour and attitude. I guess I never really give my students the chance to prove their worth, behaviour and attitude wise. Whenever a student shows actions and gestures that are disrespectful or defiant, my blood boils and that usually leads to cornering the child and bombarding him/ her with my ideals and why they should live up to my ideals.

Which is unfair, definitely. But I will continue to work on that. Maybe not by intimidating my kids but trying to understand where they came from and work on it from there (it is so much easier said than done of course, like always). And that's one of the many reasons I am reluctant to let go of these classes.

As I was pondering about all my difficult classes this year I remember how I have asked God, particularly and specifically, to make it difficult for me this year, so that there would be  more for me to contribute, the more to progress. And He has granted my wish.

TGIF!

I had a pretty bad time in one of my classes today. I did not plan for it to go this bad. In the end, the children were unhappy. I was unhappy as well. Reflecting on it make me feel even more bummed because I know very well that we could have gotten off a better start if I can stop taking everything so personally!

If a student did not behave in the way I want them to it does not really mean that they hate me or wanted to make me suffer. It is just the circumstances that they were in made it impossible for them to act otherwise. And, I am supposed to be here to give them a push so they can escape these circumstances.

Thank You Lord for being here with me all the time because despite my frustration, You reminded me over and over again my purpose of being in Juasseh and my purpose of standing in the classroom.

However the day got better (: I talked to Chia on the phone and am really happy that she came back from Medan, Indonesia feeling charged! And, guess what came in the mail today?

My books came in the mail today!

Now, all I want to so is spend the weekend curled up in bed with books and have Indie bands playing my favourite songs in the background! 

Tell me something good!

Inspired by one of my favourite teacher blogsRowdy in First Grade.

Something good, something good, something good!

Something good on my first day of school:

I did not wake up when my alarm went off by 6a.m. in the morning (sigh, why does this happen so often?) and ended up waking up by 6:45a.m. after my housemate knocked at my door, but we made it to school on time! Hooray! And, I managed to wash and shampoo and dry my hair before leaving for school! And I even managed to have breakfast as well!!! 

My kids do not show obvious signs of resentment seeing that I am STILL their form teacher, praise the Lord! We had an okay classroom session today. I was with them for 2 hours and 40 minutes! We did a few activities, nothing mind-blowing but I gathered enough information I need.

Form 1 students are extremely adorable! They are so small! I will see them in class tomorrow, now that's something to look forward to!

Some other good things today that contributed to this great day:

We had our corporate shirt made at this really fancy tailor shop in Bahau (:

Daniel sharing with me about his first day at work!

Achieving the consistency I wanted in my porridge!

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Now let's get some sleep people, it's a school night, yikes!

Far, far, far too soon!

I cry out to the Lord, I pray to the Lord for mercy. PSALM 142:1

Today is the last day of holiday before the new semester starts. I am feeling excited and a little bit anxious about starting the school term. One of my colleagues mentioned that after going back to the fishing village she is teaching in, seeing the students she teaches on the street reminds her that it is not a dream. She really is a teacher!

I wonder if all new teachers feel that way too. I am back in the village I am teaching in a few days ago and a few of the students I taught last year met me on the way to the pasar malam. They raised their hand from afar and nod their head slightly, addressing me “Teacher!”. I smiled back and was actually at a loss for words. Deep inside, I shuddered, thinking to myself that: my gosh, I am coming back to these kids and this village. It is not a bad feeling, but it just so happen to make me shudder.

Well, school starts tomorrow, so I better straighten things up! It’s going to be great tomorrow!

I have gotten ready... my stationery box!

Our classroom values flash cards!

Our 4 steps to class!

Our student survey!

and last but not least our can you find my name word search puzzle!

  

There is still so much wok to be accomplished but I guess now that I have my classroom goals ready, it should be less difficult to keep everyone on track!

March on to a brand new semester!