Of course, I did not expect it to be a perfect class. At least, not yet. I was just taken by surprise, that's all. Which makes me lose my footing a little. I did not expect them to be in the class. I did not expect them to stay in the class all the way until I leave the class.
I am grateful all the same. I am grateful that (for whatever reason possible they were there in the class, and came back to the class after I gave them permission to leave the room to get something) and that they sat in their seats throughout the entire 40 minutes, and they came to the front when I asked them to, and despite their sniggering they listened to me when I tried to help them catch up, and the fact that we laughed (of course indirectly, we were laughing at different things).
But their expressions like they could not care less still bleeds my heart. The statement Juin made saying "I don't know why they hate English so much, but they REALLY hate English" over dinner is so painful as well. Their body movement that tells that they are not comfortable, they are not pleased, happy etc, makes me flinch.
I do not understand how I can be so weak and vulnerable. I just have to keep forcing myself to believe that they hate me because they hate English. And that time would tell, that I am a good teacher, one who really cares, and goes her way to make sure her students learn something.
But, it is a good day still. It would be the day that my boys who hate me sat through my 40-minute class, without cursing me or causing me any physical harm.
It is a good day then.
Thank you Lord.
Prepare me to brave tomorrow.
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